Here is the thing... I'm not a dominant... but my spouse is clearly a submissive. She shared this 18 about months ago and I have been trying to educate myself ever since to cater to her desires. I'm still growing into the role and for the first time spanked her to tears this morning -- hardest thing I've done to date. She loved it. This blog (and other resources) helped me understand it was OK to do this to her and for her. We read your blog often and enjoy your perspectives. Thank you, both. C-
That is so sweet to hear. We’re super gratified if our tumblr helped you guys with your explorations. I know full well that what you are doing is is challenging in a myriad ways - and hope that all of your hard work and patience helps strengthen your relationship and bring you closer together. All the best to you both.
I don’t think that you can be taught how to be a dom or for that matter a sub. I think that he’s doing it to make her happy and that’s like living a lie.
That isn’t very helpful.
There is nothing wrong with stretching your limits to help fulfill your partner’s needs, and our anon is not under any illusions that d/s is something that comes to them naturally. This is an example of the many compromises that people make in the course of long relationships where people bond to each other in many different ways. It often happens that our ideal partners aren’t a perfect match in every respect, and we all have to meet in the middle on some things.
It’s hard to be “taught” how to be a dom, because a lot of it is about personality types - although people can and do grow into those roles. Becoming a proficient and effective service top, however, is something that anyone can do with sufficient inclination and desire. Spanking someone to tears and having them love it isn’t always easy, and can require a lot of rapport, solid connection, and some mental fortitude from both participants. It sounds to me like our anon is making wonderful progress.
They might never end up with a 24/7 dynamic, but they can have a wonderful and mutually satisfying sex life. For many people, that is more than enough - and judging from the amount of effort the anon is making to keep his wife satisfied and happy, the rest of their relationship is probably great too.